I Hate Antibiotics

I really really hate antibiotics . . . amoxicilin gave me serious GI issues and now Doxycycline is making me not feel like myself.  I feel weird and dizzy and grumpy have headaches and cant concentrate . . . but if I end up with a healthy baby afterwords it will all be worth it.  Two more days of these stinkin' antibiotics.  I didn't ever think I would say this - but I can't wait until Monday!

Pregnant Ladies Everywhere!

OK, I just have to vent a little - it seems like all I see is pregnant ladies . . . while shopping, standing in line to register for my bloodwork, even learning of a former coworker who is pregnant, sigh.  I think I am mostly back to "normal", like you can really ever be normal after a m/c much less three . . . but I am feeling better and staying busy with my distractions and of course indulging in all the foods and beverages that are not allowed when you are pregnant . . . but is mother nature trying to spit in my face by showing me all these pregnant ladies??  I do believe the saying "That which doesn't kill you makes you stronger" but at what point can I cry uncle and say I am strong enough?

Oh and DH and I started our antibiotics for the ureaplasma  . . . I guess these are the same antibiotics that are given when you have chlamydia, syphilis, PID, urinary tract infections, lyme disease, bubonic plague, antrax and roseacea . . . ha ha ha . . . .ok, so I have roseacea but not the others . . . and the other things this is used for kindof made me laugh . . . oh, and it is also used to prevent malaria (prophylactic) - so maybe I should go somewhere tropical, ha ha . . .. on a positive note, my skin hasnt looked this good since high school :-) but I hate antibiotics . . . and I had a weird yellowish discharge yesterday - signs that it is working???

Today was my due date for my second pregnancy :-(

I am handling it ok I guess . . . I had to write the date several times at work today and each time I was reminded that today should have been a happy day (even if I didnt have baby on that date) . . . and I am seeing lots of pictures of ladies who just had their babies . ..  I am truly happy for them, just a little sad.  Trying to distract myself . . . and stop thinking that if I keep this up I will have due dates every month . . . so far I have February, September and November . . .

Ureaplasma???

So I got tested for Mycoplasma/Ureaplasma [Ureaplasma is a specific type of Mycoplasma] and I came up positive.  I will have to take doxycycline for 10 days . . .and so will my DH(Dear Husband).

Ureaplasma has been linked to multiple miscarriages.  Huh.  Interesting.  Dr. Google has a lot of conflicting information out there . . . I am trying to sort through it.  So far I have read that ureaplasma can be a factor in multiple miscarriages, but that up to 70% of women have it in their genitourinary tract!?!?!  Hmmm, now I am more confused, but I will be treated for it so it may be a cause . . .and interesting thing is that it thrives in an argenine rich environment.  I took Fertile-CM with my last two pregnancies  . . . and the main ingredient is  . . . wait for it . . . . L-argenine!  hmph.  I am so confused.  I loved Fertile-CM because it did increase my cervical mucus . . . and each time I used it I got pregnant!  My TTC world has just been turned upside down . . . and I need to spend a lot more time with Dr. Google.

Bye Bye Tooth #23

So after knowing the tooth was going bad for years, I finally got tooth #23, my front lower left tooth removed, Yeah!  I am thinking (hoping) that this is one of the causes of my recurrent miscarriages, although I base that solely on an internet article stating that mouth health can affect fertility. But anyway I am just happy to have it out because I feel like I am doing something and well, something had to be done with it because it was severely decayed.  The top part actually broke off and was held on because it was bonded to the next tooth.

So I am writing this as the anesthetic is wearing off . . . there is a big bloody hole where my tooth was previously, but I am hoping to have little to no pain.  The dentist gave me a prescription for vicodin and for antibiotics.  I choose to only fill the prescription for the antibiotics.  I'm not a fan of taking them, but since I do have a mitral valve prolapse (heart murmur) and used to have to take antibiotics before and after each dentist visit (even a cleaning) I guess I cant complain about taking them for a few days after having the tooth removed.

I go in tomorrow morning for an ortho appointment to get a new bottom aligner . . . and they promised they could make the aligner white where the tooth was . . . lets hope so otherwise I will look like trailer trash or like I am a meth junkie.

And I was looking forward to drinking some wine tomorrow night . . . the antibiotics dont say you cant drink . . . so I guess I am ok(??)

What Next?

So I had my follow up appointment and there was no retained tissue, yeah!  But the appointment was not fun.  I go to a big vertically integrated HMO so they have everything together.  The waiting area for OB/GYN is the same as for pediatrics.  Now, the last few times I have been the waiting room has been empty, however this time it was packed full of  babies and pregnant ladies - GREAT, just what I need.  Well at least I have my phone and I have a bunch of scrabble games going so I can just keep my head down and escape.  GRRRR, why is it taking forever to load??  Great, it is fluctuating from one to no bars :-(  Finally it loads a little and I can concentrate on something not baby related.  Then they call me in and put me in a room with a bunch of baby pictures - GREAT, just what I need to see.  OK, where is that phone???  Great, no reception at all in the room . . . ok, backup plan, play a stupid game that doesnt require phone or internet connection.  Finally after what seemed like forever but was probably 5 minutes the doc comes in.

She does the exam and my lining is 0.48cm which is good - she said if it is over 1cm then she would be worried.  I asked about a lot of things, like what additional testing can be done.  She said she would do it, but has to find out if she can order it or if I have to go through the Fertility department.  But she did have me go get my HCG and since I asked about it Mycoplasma (thanks F for the suggestion) she also ordered that test.  But she thinks the biggest reason for my losses is my age :-(

Well they were a little messed up with my blood tests - there are some old ones in there, like the 1 hour glucose (that I am going to tell them to remove since I cant have gestational diabetes if I am not gestational) and there was a progesterone in there too.  Oh and the people in the lab didnt believe me when I said the mycoplasma was a urine test (the doc had just told me that).  Anyway we got it sorted out, and took my blood and yeah it didnt hurt this time.  The only thing is they did take progesterone too, which I didnt think they would.  So I got automated results yesterday and my HCG is 31(yeah, almost 0) and progestrone is 0.48 - What!?  Hmmm, I guess there is a reason that they normally just test progesterone on certain days, but I'm gonna ask my doc about it anyway.  And I may suggest that they have an exam room without baby pictures where they can put people in there for miscarriages . . . it would be nice, even though I think one of the pictures on the wall was of a baby that didnt make it, those would be ok I guess in the "not happy" exam room.

So I am just waiting to find out what extra tests I can have and the results of the mycoplasma test.  A fellow BBCer said that sometimes mycoplasma is in your vagina/uterus and can cause infertility issues.  Hmm, I have to google it some more - I think it is normal in the vagina? but not in the uterus?  Hmm, either way I should get test results soon.

But the best news is that I can breathe out of both nostrils :-)  I actually feel like I am among the living again.  But I am trying to still take it easy because I don't want a relapse, which I think is what happened to me on Thursday.  I wont say I am 100% yet - maybe just 90-95% but it still feels good to be doing better.

Great, just GREAT *insert sarcasm*

I love facebook, I really do.  I re-found friends I had lost contact with, I get quick updates on friends I dont see often enough and I love playing the stupid games.  But right now I hate facebook . . . not facebook itself, but more the unknowingly untimely posts.  Here is a sampling of what I saw recently:

• Picture of obviously pg friend that I didnt know was pg [although she did post about her very sad stillbirth awhile ago]
• Another friend offering to get rid of her maternity clothes
• Another friend posting that she needs more time to be a mom [I believe she is referring to needing more time in the day]

Not to mention all the pics of their kids  . . . I know I shouldnt be this bitter because they have no idea . . . I guess it is just really bad timing.  I am contemplating sharing my miscarriage stories with some of my real life friends, but I'm not sure . . . I see pros and cons to both telling and not telling.

I am feeling particularly emotional today . . . emotional and weird.  I thought I was getting over my cold, but today I took a turn for the worse.  I was feeling better yesterday and while I did try and take it easy, I think I overdid it :-(  And now I feel a little dizzy and nauseous . . . but have been hungry all day, that has to be a good sign, right?

Fitting Quote

Some of you know that I like quotes.  Well today I saw a coworker had this quote posted and thought it fitting:

"Life is like photography, we all develop from negatives."

I don't know who said it, but it seems true . . . I guess I have developed a lot lately, ha ha :-)