I haven't posted in awhile

It has been a very crazy last few months, I have been keeping myself very busy with personal things which means I have had less time to obsess about TTC.  Don't get me wrong, I have been obsessing, just not all day every day.

I am currently on cd 28 - my chart is really weird this month - Fertility Friend says I ovulated on cd 18, but I think I ovulated on cd 15.  So I am either 10 or 12dpo.  Whatever dpo I am - I dont feel like this is my month :-(  I have been having some weird cramps and I dont feel any symptoms so I am preparing myself for AF to arrive either Monday or Tuesday.

I feel like I am stalling here - it has been three cycles since my last miscarriage.  If this cycle doesnt work (and I dont think it did) I am going to look into acupuncture.  I found a local place that specializes in infertility - it cant hurt, right?  I guess I am a little afraid of having to miss too much work for acupuncture - since I have been missing a lot of work lately.  Or I may just try FertileCM again.  I think it was the cause of my last 2 pregnancies . . . but since it has a lot of argenine, and ureaplasma thrives with argenine I was staying away from it.  But DH and I both took the antibiotics to get rid of the ureaplasma so maybe I will be ok.  Decisions, decisions.

Mother's Day without your Mom and not a Mom

I have several days on the calendar that mean things - like my Birthday or friends birthdays or anniversaries, then there are other days - the sad days, like the dates of miscarriage, or the due dates for the babies that were made but never made it.  I have so many of those days, and sadly Mother's Day is one too.  My Mom passed away a few years ago, and I have not yet had any children yet so the day is meaningless to me.  But I cannot escape it.  I get emails for Mother's Day specials, there are tv commercials, people talk about what their kids did for them on Mother's Day, and all I can do is . . . Nothing.  I cant do anything about it.  I just have to sit back and let the time pass.  My favorite day is now the day after Mother's Day - the longest time before I have to think of it again.  Of course there are always those sad anniversaries of the miscarriages or the due dates that never came to be to tide me over in the meantime.

This Mother's Day is a lot harder than previous ones.  I guess it is because last year on Mother's Day I truly thought that by this Mother's Day I would be a Mom, or at least pregnant. 

Some ladies say I am a Mom since I did have a life grow inside of me, three times nonetheless, but I just don't feel like I am a Mom.  I don't think I will until I get to hold a healthy baby in my arms.  I hope this happens before next Mother's Day.