Another AF :-(

UPDATE - it hasnt been 6 cycles . . . it has been 7 full cycles, sigh.

So this makes 6 months since I had my last miscarriage and I am getting bummed because I really thought we had a chance this month.  We have had several months of really good timing.  I think we are doing it a little too frequently, but DH doesnt think so.  I called today to make an appointment with a fertility specialist which isnt easy with a HMO.  You have to get a referral, and I did that a few years ago but then got pregnant on my own before I had any treatment.  I am trying to figure out if I need a new referral or if I can still use the old one.

I have to face facts that I am 38, have had 3 miscarriages and after each miscarriage it is taking me longer and longer to get pregnant again, sigh.  I have to go double check the numbers, but after the first one (that was "only" a chemical pregnancy) I was pregnant again 2 months later . . . then after that one it was 4 or 5 cycles . . . and now it has been 6 cycles and I am still not pregnant, sigh.

I guess it is hard too because I just ate at a restaurant that I went to right before I lost my last angel and as I was reading the menu I remembered that there were a lot of items with Gorgonzola cheese and I was avoiding those because I was pregnant the last time I read the menu. 

Don't mind me I am just having a little AF has arrived pity party . . . I should snap out of it soon.  I am thinking a bottle of wine this weekend will help.

Today was my EDD for my last Angel.

Wow, I did not realize I haven't posted since July!  Wow, time flies.  I have been very busy with the business, and since the summer is a very slow time of year it has been very preoccupying and stressful (sorry grammar police, I think this last sentence was grammatically incorrect)

Well, today is the due date of my last Angel :-(  It is also the day before my 38th birthday. *sigh* I feel kindof emotionally numb . . . I know I should have a huge belly right now, or maybe even have a newborn, but sadly I am not even pregnant.  I am sad, but I think I am so tired of being sad that I just cant be that sad anymore.  And now I am offically closer to 40 than 35 * double sigh* 

It doesnt help that I saw a ton of very pregnant ladies this weekend.  I am looking forward to cooler weather as at least I can delude myself into thinking they are just fat and not pregnant.

In general lately I have lost focus . . . It seems hard to concentrate on anything for more than a few minutes.  Maybe it is a sign that I am getting old, or that I was crazy for buying a business while working full time and trying to get pregnant.  But life is boring if you don't don anything.

I miss you my last angel . . . keep your other angel siblings company.

Miscarriage 3/2010 . .. EDD November 19, 2010
Miscarriage 7/2011 . .. EDD February 17, 2011
Miscarriage 1/2011 . . . EDD September 6, 2011