Insult to Injury

I think I am getting sick . . . last time after the miscarriage I got sick.  I totally forgot about it until my throat was dry last night.  I thought it might have been from the invisalign aligners (sometimes I wake up with a dry mouth). . . but when I woke up this morning I had a full on sore throat.  And I just sneezed a couple of times :-(  I have been pounding vitamin C like it is going out of style, but I think my body has been through a lot these past few days so it doesn't surprise me that my immune system would be weakened.  Not to mention everyone on the plane back from Minneapolis was either coughing or sucking up their snot(yuck!).  I have done practically nothing these past few days . . . and I did have a flu shot, so hopefully it wont last too long (here's hoping anyway).

Bad News, Bad News

I guess it is so bad, that I had to name this post twice.  Another Miscarriage, booooo!

So I went in on Thursday for my follow up ultrasound.  I naively thought that everything would be OK, so I didnt ask DH to come with me, even though he volunteered.  I wont make that mistake again :-(

So I drink a ton of water, show up 15 minutes before my appoitment time, as instructed, and then sit in the waiting room  for 45 minutes, all the time having to pee.  I see people coming in after me and getting called, but they are having other things done by other technicians.  I finally get called in and the technician is very understanding, but I guess she had some emergency ultrasounds which is why she is behind schedule.  I told her I had to pee and she was trying to hurry up on that part and not push any harder than she had to . . . then she let me pee, whew!  And then I had to do the transvaginal scan . . . she was talking during the first part, but got quiet - first clue.  Then she told me to get dressed while she went to talk to the doctor.  When she returned, she told me to check in at the front and then go up to OB/GYN to see the doctor.  I had to wait in line to be checked in, so of course my mind starts thinking that if it were good news, she woulda told me.  I almost asked the technician if she saw the heartbeat, but I know she is supposed to wait for the doctor.  So I go to check in and the stupid lady wants to charge me a $20 copay - um, no I came in for an ultrasound and they are making me go up.  The whole time I am thinking this is insult to injury asking me to pay for the doctor to tell me my baby has no heartbeat (I didnt know for sure at that time, however like I said they wouldnt call me up there to tell me good news).

So I go up there and the nurse who helped me last week is standing right at the door, waiting for me (another sign).  She takes my weight and blood pressure and I can tell by her quiet, somber demeanor that it isnt good.  So I go into the room and the doctor comes in after a few minutes, and asks me if I know why I am here - I said no, but I dont think it is good news.  She then told me there was no heartbeat, sigh, as I deduced.  Then she gave me the options, natural, medication or D&C.  She was kindof in favor of the D&C because you are knocked out and she thinks it is easier emotionally.  I told her I would think about it, but to put the prescription in for the medication and I will fill it if needed.  That was the plan although she said it could take weeks to do it naturally and either way I need to come in next week.  She offered to do an exam to see if my cervix was open - no thanks, getting int he stirrups twice in one day does not seem appealing to me.  Then she said I could have my progesterone tested because that gives clues to when it will happen (just like it goes down before your period).  I didnt want my blood drawn at that time though - the last two draws were horrible - it hurt the whole time the needle was in there, plus I wasnt in the mood to be stuck.  I was totally regretting DH not being there, but you have to live with the choices you make.  The doc asked if I could call him, but I live 5 minutes away and didnt see the logistics of leaving my car there.  Plus I figured I could be strong for the 5 minute drive (as long as the Brad Paisley song where he sings about seeing the ultrasound of his kid doesnt come on the radio I will be OK).

So as I was leaving the nurse comes over to me and gives me a big hug (which of course makes me cry more) and tells me I was the best momma I could have during the short time the baby was here (I dont remember exact words) which of course made me cry again.  So I make it to the car, compose myself and go home.  DH hugs me, we talk, and then watch stupid movies on TV until bedtime.

I didnt sleep well, waking several times to pee . . . and one time where I woke up because I could feel the tears rolling down my cheeks.  This has never happened to me before, but I guess there is a first time for everything.  I cried for awhile in the bathroom and then went to bed.  Darn DH was sleeping like a rock at that time :-(

So, since I wasnt spotting at all, and I had a bunch of work to do (ie keep my mind off of things) I decided to go to work.  The distraction was nice and I had lunch planned with a coworker, which I debated on cancelling, but since I had rescheduled once already I decided to go.  It was really nice because she just bought a condo, so that was the topic of discussion, and anything to take my mind off of it is nice.  And we went and had burgers and they now carry sweet potato fries there - yummy!  And I actually felt better after I got back to my desk, still sad, but better - yeah!

I had some cramping as I drove home from work . . . and it continued once I got home . . . and then the spotting continued.  I guess my body made the decision . . . natural it is (same like last time)

Well, that is about it . . .

Good News, Bad News

So on Thursday I went in to have my blood drawn for a bunch of tests to be done prior to my first appointment on Friday.  A few hours prior to my appointment I get an email saying my lab results are available.  I check and my HCG is 2687!!!!  This is very low for 7w3d, so of course I start to freak out.  I tried concentrating on work, yeah right.  Then I started having flashbacks to my miscarriage in July . . . so I went to the restroom, the only place I could think of where I could be alone, well kinda.  And, well since I am pregnant I always seem to have to pee . . . and like always, I checked after I wiped - nothing, whew.  I dont know why I would have spotted right after getting my blood test results, but I clearly wasnt thinking straight.  I started letting my mind wander into what is going to happen thoughts . . . and I started to tear up, but no tears fell.  Hmm, I did feel better but not sure why.  Maybe that was my instinct knowing that I did have another heartbeat inside of me, who knows.

So I go in for my appointment and the nurse that checks you in was all happy and excited and congratulated us, although I was still worried I went along with it.  When she was going over my chart I mentioned that I thought my HCG was a little low and she kinda got less happy then.  We only had a short wait for the Nurse Practitioner to come in.  She kinda barged in and seemed a little irritated we were there . . . um, we are the reason you have a job, but whatever.  I explained that I saw my HCG numbers and she proceeded to do the exam and ultrasound. 

The ultrasound was OK - I started to see the baby - but I didnt see any movement or anything that looked like a heartbeat at first.  She zoomed in and I saw movement . . . but held back getting excited.  She did a measurement . . . 6w1d . . . hmmm.  Then she switched to heartbeat mode . . . and we heard the heartbeat.  I started to tear up,  but held back.  And then she said, let me make sure that isnt your heartbeat - ok, Cyndee, dont get excited.  She measured the heartrate and it was 135pbm.  She didnt say much, and I later asked her if the hb was mine . . . and she seemed annoyed and said no, unless your hb is 135 and proceeded to feel my pulse.  I was not happy with her bedside manner.  She did later say it was a viable pregnancy but that we will have to wait and see what happens.  So the good news is there was a heartbeat, but the bad news is my HCG is low and the baby was measuring small.  Again, I did not like her bedside manner, but the doc that I really like is out on medical leave - I have to find out when she is scheduled to return.

So the plan is that I get my HCG retested which I did yesterday at a little over 48 hours, although I know that when your numbers are over 1200 or so that the doubling is every 72 hours.   But I am curious to know what the numbers are and just hope that they are going up and the little bean is ok.  I also have an appointment for an ultrasound from the radiology department on Thursday the 27th.  That will be with a better ultrasound machine and hopefully we will be able to get a better measurement.  I also have a follow up with the NP that I dont like on Feb 3rd.  If everything turns out OK, I think I will ask if my favorite doc has returned.

My White Blood Cells were a little elevated - she didnt seem too concerned, in fact she wouldn't have mentioned it to me.  I asked about it and she said it could be anything as long as it does not stay that way (um, she didnt recheck) but Dr. Google did tell me that it can be elevated in pregnancy, so I guess that is OK.

So right now it is a waiting game . . . I should get automated results as soon as they are available, but I'm not sure if the lab works on Sunday or if I have to wait for Monday.  We also discussed it and we think that she didnt really try to hard to get a good CRL measurement.  While she was doing it we saw for a second a shape that was somewhat human, although the pic she gave us looks more like a blob.  I think she could have easily been off by a mm or two, so I have a good feeling about my appointment on the 27th.

Oh, and my DH (Dear Husband for those who don't know the acronyms) is a little overwhelmed by this process - he hasn't spent months on babycenter like me has looked very closely at the ultrasound and has tried to figure out what all the letters and numbers are on there.  He looked at it before bed on Friday (after the appointment) and then he looked at it again on Saturday - it is currently on his nightstand - how cute is that :-)  I want to get it so I can scan it and attach it here, but he has kindof been hogging it which  I think is so adorable (shhh, don't tell him or he will get self conscious about it).

I am just hoping that this little one sticks . . .  



They wanted me to do a 1 hour glucose test, but I postponed.  I know I should do it, but at the time I was rushing and starving and didnt want to sit around for an hour or to have weird results because I hadnt eaten yet (they didnt tell me to fast or anything).  But now I want to wait to make sure the little one is ok before I do that.

Invisalign!

OK, so a little about me . . . in the 4th grade I was walking back into class after recess and I tripped on someones bag that they had by their desk and whomp! my teeth hit a table . . . one of those wood tables with metal around the sides that you often saw in the 70's and 80's.  I can tell you that to this day that was still the most pain I have ever been in!  We'll see how giving birth stacks up to my tooth/mouth pain but to date it is still the most excruciating pain I have been in.

At the time the dentist didnt do too much for me . . . actually I dont remember them doing anything, but they may have given that I was pretty out of it [and it was a long time ago].  All I know is that my two front teeth were cracked - you couldnt see it unless the light was right, but there were three horizontal cracks . . . and yet somehow the tooth held together.  Oh and one of the bottom teeth had a vertical squiggly line crack as well as a chunk taken out of it.  I know that tooth was filed down a little.   When I was in my early 20's and finishing my undergraduate degree I had root canals in those three teeth.  The dentist actually wanted to do a root canal on the other lower front tooth . . . but since he was doing the whole procedure without pain medication, when he started to drill into the other tooth my leg jumped unconsciously . .  needless to say he didnt do a root canal on that one [and why I am a proponent for not using pain medicine whenever I have work done on those teeth].  Oh and for those of you that think I am crazy for not having pain medicine - the root/nerve was dead - it didnt hurt, just felt a little achey from all the movement.   Oh and I am crazy, just not for that. :-)

So in 2010 I had crowns put on the cracked top teeth . . . which that was an ordeal, maybe I will tell the story some other time.  But, that lower tooth with the squiggly crack in it is not doing so well and needs to be pulled.   I was pushing my dentist to give me an option other than a bridge which would have damaged the two perfectly good teeth on either side of it.  So since it is not implant eligible- it is too small, my dentist eventually suggested that the tooth be pulled and the gap closed with braces.  Um, what??  have an uneven number of teeth??  But the bottom wont line up with the top!?!?  I dont know about this . . . I think it will look funny and make me self conscious.  I asked the dentist for pictures of someone who had the same thing - and there really werent any.  So fast forward a little bit when I am talking to a coworker who's daughter is a dentist . . . and OMG she had that done years ago - WHAT!!!  Let me see!!!  Hmmm, I have seen you every weekday for years and I never noticed - SOLD!

So a little while later I met with the Orthodontist who told me that this whole thing can be done with Invisalign or traditional braces . . . Invisalign, Invisalign Invisalign . . . do you want to think it over . . . nope, Invisalign.  Oh, and my left wisdom teeth are slanted . . . and that can be fixed with invisalign too.  Oh, and I forgot to mention during High School/early College I did have appliances and braces to fix my crooked back teeth . . . but the idiot orthodontist wanted to remove my wisdom teeth even though several dentists have said I have enough room in my mouth for all my teeth.  So my back 2 left teeth were crooked - and he fixed the one before the wisdom teeth, but not the wisdom teeth . . . but that whole experience is another story in itself . . . like how when I went to get my braces off - THEY LEFT ONE ON MY TEETH  .. . it popped off as I was showing someone - but can you say incompetent!  Ok, dont get me started on that one . .. . 

So to try and wrap up this really long story . . . I got invisalign on Thursday!  I went a lunchtime and when I returned to the office - no one noticed (or at least they didnt say anything).  I was talking a little funny, but maybe they just thought I was getting sick or something.  Anyway despite the pain!  yes, they hurt, I am doing OK.  I just dont know if this was really the best time for me to start wearing them as I cant do much for the pain.  Yeah, I can remove them, but you know what - if you remove them, your teeth still hurt - just feels a little different. Actually after a couple of days it started to feel better.   And I know I can take Tylenol . . . but I am really trying to refrain from taking any pain meds, especially during the first trimester.  And I am also a little worried about eating . . . you see, I like to eat and drink all morning long . . . and when nausea hits, eating is the best thing . . . while they say you can eat soft foods with the invisalign in, I tried it and food still got stuck in there - gross.  So I will have to see how that goes.  Oh, and the first night I woke up even more than normal . . .and my mouth hurt . . . again, pain meds would help but I am trying to be all noble and not do that.

So that is a little background and my experience having invisalign for 4 days . . . oops, I better go put those suckers back in . . . I ate dinner over an hour ago . . .oopsie.

Be Careful What You Wish For!!!

OK, so I had my first taste of morning sickness.  The first time was this morning(ha ha) when I kinda felt nauseous.  I didnt really think I would throw up, but figured since I had to pee already that it wouldnt hurt to be close to the toilet just in case. 

Last month I moved to a new building (same job, just a new building like a mile away).  This building is "different" for starters there is one restroom . . . one for men, one for women.  The Womens has 4 stalls and the Mens has 2 stalls and 2 urinals . . . there are about 150 people in the building!  I was extremely worried before we moved in . . . I mean 4 stalls!!!  So far it has been busy in there, but I have never had to wait.  But of course this morning the cleaning guy was cleaning it . . . hmph grrrh, well I guess I cant get mad at him for doing his job  . . . it was just poor timing for me.  Like I said, I didnt feel like I was really going to toss my cookies, but it would have been comforting to know it was available.  I resolved to myself that I would barge in on him cleaning if I really felt like I would loose it.

Later, on the way home from work - and even for a little once I got home, I again felt nauseous.  I didnt really think I would hurl, but the feeling was there.

But - I AM NOT COMPLAINING!!!  I told all the symptoms to "bring it on" so I cant complain.  And I read somewhere that if you do get m/s that your risk of miscarriage goes down a lot . . . I would be happy with that.

I'll be exactly 6 weeks tomorrow, yeah!!!  Now, since I didn't sleep well last night - I am off to bed early :-)

Round Ligament Pain

OK, I am pretty convinced that the pain I have been having is round ligament pain - or some other normal pregnancy pain.  The pain did subside and it has came and went a few times and for the last two mornings in my groggy just woke up state have felt the pain a little on the left side.  Whew!  Ok, solved that . . . what to worry about next?  hee hee.

I have a phone interview with a nurse on Tuesday afternoon and they sent me a link to a website with a bunch of information . . . it lists all the tests and gives you information on them.  I only briefly looked at it, so now I have to go back and look at everything before Tuesday.  Oh and if the pain returns I may see if I can get an earlier ultrasound appointment.  Currently it is scheduled for January 21st.

Mystery Pain

Hmm . . . I had this really bad pain on my right side - I will call it in the hip area.  I was sitting at work minding my business, actually I really was working, and I got the pain.  It hurt really bad.  I noticed that my legs were crossed, which I know you arent supposed to do for long periods of time, but that I do ALL the time.  The pain got a little better when I got up, but it was there for at least an hour.  It was quittin' time so I went home and it is better now - funny how sitting on the couch makes all your pains go away.  I am just a little worried as I had this pain last week - but thought that it was a pulled muscle or something.  Now that it has returned after not having it for at least 4 days, I am a little worried.  If it continues tomorrow I will call the doctors. 

My internet research says it may be an ectopic pregnancy or a cyst.  I had a cyst on my wrist when I was a kid . . . so I am hoping that is what it is, or actually I dont care what it is as long as it is nothing serious.  I am afraid for the worst though . . .

5 Weeks

I am exactly 5 weeks today, yeah!  Due Date: September 6th, 2011.

I woke up hungry and didn't stop eating all day long!  This is quite a change because the last few days I had been noting that I was eating less - even less than before I was pregnant.

I also got nauseous a couple of times today.  Once in the car on the way to work, once at my desk, once on the way to lunch and again in the car on the way home.  YEAY!!!!!  Yeah, I am one of the crazy ones who actually likes the symptoms - Bring it on Baby!!!  After a Chemical Pregnancy and a Miscarriage any sign that things are going well is welcome.  Sore boobs, nausea, tiredness - I'm happy I have had them all.

OK, I'll keep it short for the first post.  I'm not sure if anyone will want to read this blog, but I wanted to share my story . . . and because I am too afraid to write in my Pregnancy Journal that I bought last time.  I have a call with the nurse on January 11th and my first appointment on the 21st.  Once I hear the heartbeat I will fell a lot better.