What NOT to say to the infertile this holiday

I loved this blog article and just had to share!! The article is written for the holidays, but the suggestions are appropriate for anytime of the year!

What NOT to say to the infertile this holiday

One Year Anniversary of last BFP

So yesterday was the one year anniversary of my last bfp :-(  Three pregnancies, three angels, three years, sigh.

Clomid Hangover?

So last cycle while taking clomid for the clomid challenge test I ovulated 3 days later than my "usual" date.  Now this cycle I got EWCM very early, and while my temps are very wacky I think I may have o'd on cd 13 - it works out for my travel schedule, but still it is a little weird.  Well, I guess I dont care as long as I end up with a healthy baby in the end :-)

Weird Cycle

So FF was saying I o'd on CD 17, but I tested on CD 12 and had a bfn . . . I looked back at my chart and think that I may have o'd on CD 20 which is consisetent with my normal lp since I got AF on the 21st :-(  This cycle I did do the Clomid Challenge Test - in which you take 100mg of clomid and they test your FSH on day 3 and 10.  This measures your ovarian reserve.  Luckily I came out with a "normal" ovarian reserve.

AF was kinda weird - I was having nausea for like a week, but then on Monday night it got really bad - and the cramps started.  These cramps were almost as bad as during the miscarriage :-(  And AF was heavy that night, something that doesnt normally happen.  Then on CD 2 it was really heavy too, but then tapered off really quickly, something that doesnt normally happen either.  All in all AF lasted 4 days . . . and I am normally a 7 day girl from spotting to spotting.  I hope it is a good sign!?!? 

Well, since clomid made me O later than expected I will now likely be traveling when I O this cycle :-(  Unless of course I O early this cycle to make up for it?  We'll have to see, but I am not expecting too much from this cycle :-(  I guess I shouldnt be too bummed - we had several cycles with perfect timing and no bfp, so I guess this cycle I dont even have the chance to get my hopes up, sigh.

Good Quote

There are three kinds of people in the world, the wills, the won'ts and the can'ts. The first accomplish everything; the second oppose everything; the third fail in everything.

~Eclectic Magazine

I try and be a will, but sometimes I feel the won'ts and the can'ts sneaking in my life.  I need to remember to shoo them away when they try and take over.

When it comes to TTC, being a will is hard . . . especially with 3 losses, but I will be a Mom someday!

Testing

So I got my test results the other day and big shocker . . . there is nothing wrong with me.  Bittersweet.  I dont really want anything to be wrong with me, but on the other hand something simple to fix yet transparent to my everyday life would be nice.

So the doc said he could do IUI with injectables, I can take baby aspirin everyday, and he can give me progesterone suppositories to take either after I O or after I get a BFP.  I have tho think about all of those :-(

In the meantime I am still trying to catch an egg and hoping that the clomid I took for the clomid challenge test will give me another target. 

OUCH!

I had a Saline Infusion Sonogram yesterday and all I have to say is OUCH!  I had a HSG in January 2010 and I had some mild discomfort but the saline sonogram was painful for me. 

The procedure literally took 5 minutes - the doctor inserted the speculum then the other stuff (balloon, saline, catheter etc) and I think it was during this that he bumped the speculum or something moved a little and I got some sharp pains.  I also started to feel nauseous, something I rarely ever feel (thank goodness).  He then inserted the ultrasound probe and we were able to see my uterus fill with saline (it appeared black on the screen vs the tissue that appeared more white.  It was all over quickly, thank goodness.  When I sat up there was a gush of the saline that came out too, fun.

It has been almost 24 hours since the procedure and this morning when I woke up I felt pain down there.  It is kindof like premenstrual cramps but a little different.  I see tylenol in my future today.

The Doc said everythig looked ok - no polyps or fibroids or anything . . . just add this to my long list of tests that came back normal.

Oh and I did get my Homocysteine results back - I had a 5 and the normal range is 4-15.  I asked the doc since it was on the low end of normal and he said it was OK if it was low since they only worry about it if it is high.  Hmph.

RE . . . again

So I had an appointment on the 18th with a RE.  I met with a RE in January 2010 and had all the testing done and there were no red flags.  We did get pg a month or two after that - maybe the HSG helped?  But then began our string of miscarriages :-(  So this time the RE is looking at me as a RPL (recurrent pregnancy loss) patient, not as someone who cannot get pg, even though it has been 9 cycles since my last loss and we are not pg. 

So the doc did an ultrasound and since I was in the 2ww he could see I had 8 follies on one ovary and 4 on the other - in other words, no smoking gun there.  I am ovulating, but I could have told you that!  Anyway, it was nice to have a confirmation, even though since I was 9dpo at the time and he looked at my uterus I knew I was out this cycle.  But I could have told you that since I didn't have any symptoms.

He did review my previous test results and I was normal for everything except MTFHR.  I was shocked when he said that and he even turned the screen so that I could see where it says Abnormal.  WTH??  The doc that ordered those tests said I was normal???  This doc said that it doesnt mean much unless you also have Homocystiene checked .. .  um, why didnt the doc say that before?  I would have gladly went in for a blood test!  Grrhh.

So this doc ordered a bunch of blood tests - several that I have had before, FSH, TSH, Estradiol, and some others.  He also recommended the Clomid Challenge test and a saline sonogram.

I went in for bloodwork on cd 3 as directed, have my saline sonogram scheduled for CD7 and will go in on CD10 for more bloodwork.

I got the electronic notification of some test results and they are here, along with previous results if there were any:

FSH - 6.3  previously 4.7 in January 2010.
TSH - 1.87 previously 1.80 and 2.15
Estradiol - 36 - previously 47.2
Factor II - 82% which is in the standard range of 70-120 (maybe on the low end? but I dont know what this means)

I'll have to ask the doctor tomorrow what the results mean, hmm. 

Life

Life is not the way it's supposed to be.. It's the way it is..

The way we cope with it, is what makes the difference.

This seemed appropriate as today is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day.  I wasnt supposed to have three losses, but I am dealing with it the best way I can.  Some days are rougher than others :-(

Good Quote :-)

Rock bottom became the solid foundation on which I rebuilt my life.  
~J.K. Rowling